Here's my problem

It's called reverse anorexia.

Ok, that probably doesn't make sense. I'm not even sure what the individual latin subparts of the word "anorexia" really mean, but I know it's a mental condition where (usually) girls see themselves as always too fat, even when they're sickeningly skinny. It's an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I'm sure I could wikipedia it and describe it a little better to make you all think I'm very smart and well-read. But who am I kidding.

Anyway, I think my current "obsession" with weight-gain (as in, I would like to gain weight--the good kind, not the peanut m&m kind) could be appropriately termed "reverse anorexia." I look in the mirror and I see a really skinny person. People tell me I'm fine and I'm not "too" skinny, but it doesn't seem to enter my brain. I'm hovering around 205 right now (I had almost hit 210 a couple weeks ago before finals gobbled up all my time and only lost 5 lbs during my little break), which is basically an all-time high for me. My current goal is to solidly reach 210. But I have a feeling that once I get there, I'm not going to want to stop. I mean, I used to say that I'd be totally content with 200. Not anymore I guess...

You have to understand where I'm coming from. I peaked out at 6'5" in high school, in roughly my sophomore year. Throughout high school, I think I weighed around 145 lbs. Pause for a moment and try to imagine this. That's a body-mass index of about 17. Anything below 18.5 is considered underweight. I was known as the "lurp" around the band room (yeah, a band geek on top of that). I would entertain myself by lifting up my shirt and sucking in as far as I could just to freak people out. My only consolation was that my best friend was actually even skinnier than me. I didn't care in high school. But after my mission, I came home and weighed maybe 155 or so, I decided something needed to be done. I think I got rejected by a few girls because I was too skinny. So I think I got kind of a complex. And that brings me to where I am today--205, close to a BMI that technically constitutes overweight, and still feeling like I'm too skinny.

Someone halp! Please!

By the way, either they keep this library way too cool here at work, or I need more meat on my bones. Uh oh...

MIA

Just thought I'd drop a quick note to all two and a half of my diligent readers (Zarina is a midget). I'm still alive, I'm just studying like a mad scientist. Not a madman, a mad scientist. How could a madman study in a straight jacket, anyway. Maybe he listens to class lectures on his ipod wherever he goes, like me.

Ok I'm rambling. 12 hours straight studying at starbucks will do that to you. I think they resented the fact I only purchased two beverages. I copied down the phone number of one of the barristas when she gave it to her friend. How ridiculous is that? Not that I'll ever use it.

Hey guess what, I'm rambling again. See ya.