I'm offended!

There's a saying I heard long ago, I can't remember where, or who said it. It goes something like this: "The only thing stupider than taking offense when it isn't intended is taking offense when it IS intended." It's a little sound bite of wisdom I try to live by (and yes, "stupider" is a word).

Ultimately you are the person who decides whether something or someone is offensive to you. Of course you could say something like "That would be offensive to the average person." Often, you would be right. But since when has "average" been the goal? Average is merely the adjective that most often applies to each of us, as much as our self-serving bias might object; it's not the goal.

Every time you take offense to something, you exhibit weakness. You demonstrate that the person or thing that offended you has power over you. "That person is offensive" is not an entirely accurate statement. Rather: "I am offended by that person." There's a difference. The fact that you are offended might be more of a statement about yourself than it is about the other person.

Does this mean it's okay to go around recklessly or intentionally pissing people off and then blaming it on their weaknesses? Of course not. That makes you worse than a jerk. This is simply a mindset for dealing with the everyday things that people do, whether intentionally or unintentionally, that bother you.

I should also say that this concept isn't a "get out of jail free" card for the socially inept. I'm sure we all know people who speak before they think, not having inherited the gene for tact. While it's important to try to remain unphased by the unfortunate things that proceed from these peoples' mouths, we should also try to make them aware of how their words might affect others. Especially if you are close to these people and have to be around them on a regular basis. Because, come on, it can be pretty embarrassing.

So the next time you find yourself worked up over something, pause and ask whether whatever it is was done intentionally or unintentionally. If intentionally, then realize you have reacted very stupidly. If unintentionally, then take comfort in that you haven't yet hit the rock bottom of stupidity. Either way, the mere act of reflection will probably make it less likely to reoccur.