Sometimes people wonder why I have more girls as friends than guys. I often join them in wonderment. But then I got to thinking, as I am wont to do (also kudos to my friend "olafie" who helped me refine these ideas).
Now, this isn't because I'm simply girl crazy and don't care about the dudes. This also doesn't mean I'm into girly stuff--I cringe just as much as the next guy when I'm dragged into a horrible chick flick. The reasons are pretty simple. Even though I am undeniably male, I don't identify much with things, attitudes, or ideas typically associated with male stereotypes. I think being "macho" is idiotic and a facade for insecurity. I have little interest in sports--professional, college, amateur, or fantasy. Gambling and card games have little appeal to me. When it comes to cars and trucks I don't care so much for brand or looks, but rather for the strict utility of the vehicle (including fun little technological perks). I'm not super outdoorsy. I'm not mechanically-savvy. I can follow instructions but I have no special knack for home repairs, landscaping, construction, etc. In short, there is a lot on which I and my male colleagues differ. However, I do share with (most of) them an attraction to women, an interest in fitness, and basic anatomy.
That's not to say that I actively avoid male friendships; I simply don't go out of my way to make them. Sitting around with the fellas drinking beer and watching the big game/fight just isn't my idea of a good time. Couldn't care less who wins/loses. I don't have a team. I'm impressed by individual feats of incredible human achievement--not who won or lost. I don't understand people who get visibly angry when their team loses, as if it's some insult to their honor or family name. One time I was on a stationary bike at the gym and some guy came up and sat down at the one next to me. He started to chat me up about baseball or something (which, of all sports, I find the least interesting to watch or follow). I smiled and pretended to know a thing or two about what he was talking about, but he quickly realized I was clueless and stopped talking to me. I got the impression he felt like I was a disappointment.
Now for why this isn't necessarily a bad thing, and why it might even be a good thing. Do you know what happens when a bunch of guys get together and are left to their own devices? A lot of stupid crap. That's when the conversations about women become extremely vulgar. That's when fights break out, gangs are formed, crimes are committed, wars are started, etc. Think of every negative thing typically associated with being male, whether it's aggression, stubbornness, ignorance, closed-mindedness, pigheadedness, or what have you. Each of those characteristics becomes multiplied when you stick a bunch of men together and let them do their thing. Let me qualify my statements a bit: of course this isn't ALWAYS the case, but I am confident that such environments are conducive to the exhibition of these and other undesirable characteristics. Men have this thing called "pride" and they can't let it be wounded--no matter what! Well, by avoiding such situations, I feel that I spare myself from a lot of stupid crap I might otherwise do.
Here's a personal example from my life, when I gave in to male peer pressure. During my early college years, I had a close guy friend with whom I would hang out pretty regularly. I didn't know it at the time, but this guy was a huge douche. He was the stereotype of so many things I despised: fast cars, loud music, hats worn sideways, always talking about "hot chicks," etc. One day, I got in a little fender bender that required me to get some body work done on my vehicle. Because I was young and stupid, I listened to this friend as he convinced me to get some custom lights and fenders off ebay at a cheaper price to make my car look more "sick." (I drove a freaking honda civic.) So I did. I also got a cheap and crappy paint job at his persuasion. The lights I got off ebay were horrible and gave me constant problems ever after. My sister has that car now and they probably give her problems, too. He even convinced me to buy some stupid spoiler that I slapped on the back. When I started law school, I realized just how ridiculous it looked, took it off and threw it away.
Guys do stupid things. Just watch the "Jackass" movies if you aren't convinced. Sometimes the stupid stuff is funny, other times it's just dangerous or foolish. I heard on the radio the other day some story about a young Iraqi girl who was kidnapped from her family and shipped off somewhere to basically work as a slave. Finally, she was freed and her family was notified, and her father came to pick her up. At first I thought, "Wow, her father must be so relieved." Wrong. Because of some stupid tribal customs and traditions, if she was raped while in captivity, then she will be killed unless the family can find someone else to blame for it. Her uncle even spits in her face and threatens to slit her throat himself if he finds out she was raped. The reasons were something about bringing dishonor to the tribal name. This story made my blood boil. Right away when you hear something like this you KNOW that some idiot man or group of men came up with the idea. No woman would invent something so perverse, twisted, and unfair, especially when it comes to rape. That has male handiwork written all over it.
Just about every bad guy in every story, whether scriptural, fantasy, or historical, is male. Sure, there are plenty of evil women out there, but I think it's safe to say males come out on top in an evil contest. When is the last time you saw a big group of women hanging out in public places, terrorizing and intimidating others? How many all-women gangs are there? Maybe it's just me, but it seems like when women get together they just gossip or get really (really) silly. I wouldn't want to be part of that, either (nor would they want me there), so I guess I'm stuck in no-man's land. Not interested in all the macho crap that gets a lot of men going, but also disinterested in hanging out with a bunch of women. Maybe this is why I don't have many friends. ;)
