iWin!

I am an iphone owner. I jumped on this bandwagon back in the Summer of '08 after the 3G model was released. I loved my iphone. We had great times together. After we got together, I stopped getting lost because of its nifty GPS feature. I found shortcuts around traffic jams. I downloaded cool apps that let me listen to music or find restaurants or look up movies. I even used it to record class lectures. My iphone and I were closer than my cabbage patch "buddy and me" ever were.

But then, one dark day, the evil executives at Apple decided to release the new iphone 4. Why does this make them evil, you might ask? Well, instead of just peacefully releasing a new and improved iphone model, they decided to do something else along with it! They decided to release an update for all older model iphones that would install the new iphone's operating system. This new operating system required the upgraded hardware of the iphone 4 in order to run smoothly. On all older models (such as the 3G), it ran so sluggishly that it caused many users to take up swearing as a new hobby.

Why would they do this? What did I ever do to them? All I did was buy their phone, pay my phone bill, and buy an app every now and then. And I'm rewarded with THIS? That's not the type of treatment you would expect from your friendly big brother, Apple, right?? Then, my naive innocence shattered and the truth transformed me into a bitter cynic. They had sabotaged my phone so that I would be forced to buy the new one!

Like any red-blooded American, I became indignant. I furiously posted some kind of half-rant on facebook. Then I started chatting with one of my friends, and she told me that most people have to replace their phones every two years, so this is just Apple's way of making money. She said: they did such a good job on older models that they realized not enough people would want to buy the newer one--already being content with what they had. Well, all this made sense. She made a sound case.

But this didn't mean I had to accept my fate. Oh no--I refuse to fold to such blatant manipulation. Instead, I decided to beat Apple at its own game. Tonight I came home, googled "downgrade iphone," and found a way to install the previous OS onto my phone. It worked, and now my phone is once again speedy and happy. Now, just to spite them, I'm going to see how long I can make this phone last before it absolutely dies and I'm forced to get a new one. That will teach them for trying to bully this consumer into playing their game. Maybe I'll even hack my phone and get all the apps they don't want me to have, while I'm at it. Just try and stop me you big jerks!