Watches...am I missing something?

I was about to include this little rant in my previous post, but didn't want to get too off topic. I honestly don't understand what the big deal is with watches. Maybe this is just me not understanding jewelry in general. The watch pictured above [2022 update - link no longer good; can't remember what it was] costs around $500,000, I think. I'll quote a little bit from the site I pulled the picture from:

Everybody would definitely be attracted to this timepiece because of its glow and sparkling effect. As you can see, this timepiece is bombarded with baguette diamonds found on the case, dial, and even on the bracelet. Its case is also presented in oval shape giving it additional appeal. Aside from the diamonds, this watch also has sub dials for the seconds and power reserve indicator found on the moon shaped detailing on it along with the star.

If you are looking for a precious timepiece to collect, this Girard Perregaux should definitely be included on your list. With this watch on your wrist, expect to catch everybody’s attention. Wear this at night with your gown for a more glowing and glamorous look.

Did I read that last part right? Isn't this a man's watch? I haven't worn a "gown" since I was 8, and it was actually one of my dad's t-shirts. Maybe it's a lady's watch. I don't know. Needless to say, I can't even comprehend purchasing a watch like this, for that much. I love how the author even tries to talk up its utility: "It has sub dials for the seconds and a power reserve indicator!" Oh good--I'm glad I just spent more money than 95% of the world's population sees in a lifetime on some fancy sub dials. I think the last time I consistently wore a watch was during my mission in Brazil. I didn't have a cell phone (this was 2000-2002) and had a pocket full of appointments. The watch was highly useful, so I used it. Ever since then, I can't say that I've consistently worn a watch for any significant period of time. And when I did, it was when I was going through a phase and thought man jewelry was somehow cool (I confess I occasionally wore a couple rings during this period). In fact right now I'm looking at the above-pictured decent-looking watch that my dad got me for Christmas, and I've worn it maybe twice. It even has buttons on the side, and a tiny digital portion behind the hour/minute hands. If I mash those buttons enough, I can eventually figure out the date, start and stop/reset the stopwatch, accidentally set the date two days off, mess up the clock as I try to fix the date, and finally hurl the damn thing across the room in frustration. In the meantime, I could have checked my email on my iphone and passed a couple levels of Angry Birds. If I were to ever buy a $500,000 watch--no, actually let's not even go that high. If I were to ever buy a watch with a price tag exceeding $1,000, in addition to telling me the time, it should:

1. Measure my heart rate, blood pressure, and blood sugar
2. Count calories
3. Double as my car key
4. Double as my cell phone (or at least link by blue tooth)
5. Be a walkie-talkie
6. Sound an alarm when bad guys are near
7. Have a tazer function
8. Remind me to call my mother
9. Order pizza
10. Tell the future

I could probably go on and on. You get the idea. People need to stop pretending watches are anything more than simple time-keeping devices. If you paid more than $50, then I've got some beautiful ocean-front property in Arizona to sell you, as well.