My Letter to Chipotle

All right, I'm a little embarrassed. And I should probably be more than a little embarrassed. This is my third blog entry about Chipotle. Here are number one and number two. However, for someone who has a history of publicly despising and trashing Chipotle, this latest entry will tell a slightly happier story. The following is a letter I sent to Chipotle via their website.

***

Last night, I visited Chipotle for the first time in years. I had previously sworn I'd never again grace Chipotle with my patronage. Here is why.

It was 2006. I was having a heated debate with a friend in law school about the poor quality of Chipotle's food. I declared it bland, tasteless, dry, and served at room temperature. He vehemently disagreed, and at his insistence, I accompanied him to the nearest store to order the "best" thing on the menu. I obediently mimicked his order, getting the chicken burrito with all sorts of lukewarm-looking fillings stuffed inside. We sat down to eat and I bit into my burrito-flavored otter pop . As expected: bland, dry, and tasteless. I shook my head at my friend as if to say "Is this the best you got?"

Years passed and I lived a happy, Chipotle-free existence. Then I went on a date with a Chipotle-lover. Because I am a gentleman, I acceded to her wishes and we pulled up the online order form. I decided to again go with the chicken burrito, keeping it simple with just rice, beans, and chicken, and cheese. But in the special comments section, I typed the following: "Please add salt/flavor. Make sure burrito is hot." When we got to the store, I watched in grim amusement as the worker handling our order studied the slip in confusion. I could almost hear him thinking, "Give the burrito flavor? How am I supposed to do that?" "Make it hot? I have no microwave and these fillings have been sitting just above room temperature all day!" I had some sympathy for him. He wasn't entirely at fault; he was just working with what the Chipotle gods had given him.

Food in hand, we returned home to eat. One bite into my burrito was all it took to realize that nothing had changed in the past five years. I looked on in despair at the 800-calorie cylindrical piece of cold garbage on my plate. But then I got an idea--my house was equipped with a microwave. Excited now, I put my burrito in and hit the 30-seconds button. Half a minute later, a piping hot burrito emerged. After waiting a minute or two for it to cool (what a refreshing change!), I took another bite. Shock. Surprise. Happiness. Joy. The emotions churned through me as I chewed. Could this be the same burrito? Was my microwave secretly a portal to an alternate reality in which Chipotle makes really good food? No...it couldn't be. The burrito I was now eating had flavor. The heat gave it the impression of being juicier. The cheese had actually melted! I marveled that a mere 30 seconds in the microwave had transformed a tasteless burrito popsicle into something not only edible, but enjoyable.

And thus, Chipotle gods, I offer some humble suggestions. First, keep your fillings HOT! The burrito will have cooled sufficiently by the time your customers start eating, especially for those who like to put sour cream and lettuce (which I understand need to be kept cool) in it, too. Second, if you don't want to keep your fillings hot, then buy small conveyor ovens for your stores. Offer your customers the opportunity to send it through that oven for taste optimization (at a small fee, of course--come on I know you guys like extra revenue streams). Third, if neither 1 nor 2 are feasible, then maybe just put up a sign that says "Put our burritos in the microwave for 30 seconds and prepare for your minds to be blown." Do these things and those lines stretching out the door will start wrapping around city blocks.

Finally, as a separate, somewhat unrelated suggestion, how about some seasoned rice? Enough of the bland white rice with green specks in it. It doesn't taste like anything. Give us the option of seasoned rice of some sort. You know, something that has some flavor in it. Maybe add butter, I don't know. It's not like your customers are counting calories, right? I mean, they're pounding down ~900-calorie burritos for crying out loud.

Please take this feedback seriously! I think it could really go a long way in improving the taste of your food.

Sincerely,

My name.